Hollywood knows everything... and still can't get laid.

how about a couple thousand words, 4 maps, and 2 dozen links to tell you something you already know?

2011-02-23T20:57:00.000-08:00

It's not that conservatives are hypocrites. Or that they are stupid (surprising to 3 of the 4 people who will read this, the jury is still out on that one). It's only that conservatives are simple (look harder, third section).

No great mystery there, but let's explore deeper:

Don't you just love a statistical chain saw? Simple slice and dice of America by party vote in 2008, county by county.

Keep looking at that map for second, and lets discuss the most divisive issues of our time:

Health care reform is facing constant attack from state legislatures and courts.

Wisconsin is nearing a shut-down over public workers right to collective bargaining.

In my state, people can be fired or evicted for appearing queer. (please support these people) (and not these douchebags,these assholes really [say it with me now] POKE MY BADGER)

The the right of women to prosecute rape, (this article is a bit more cutting) avoid unwanted pregnancy, to information regarding sexual health, or even to bear the pain of miscarriage privately is under constant and violent threat.

It is preposterous to suggest that these are simple issues, but conservatives are seeking to apply simple principles to them. If we can find these principles out, perhaps we can better understand and convince our conservative friends.

If you're a white, middle-class, christian male in America, things are pretty good for you. You orgasm twice as often as your wife or girlfriend, you'll get laid at least once a week into your retirement years, you'll have enough wealth to be secure, your parents retirement is handled by social security and medicare, and your children are educated for free, and will likely get into college, which you can afford because you probably went to college. You have two cars, so a breakdown isn't that bad, and you probably have some menial amount of health coverage so you don't worry too much about catastrophic health problem. All you have to do is make it to work, get paid regularly, and spend your money responsibly. The simple and easy American dream.

So what makes your life complex? Prices, for one thing. Not knowing, from day to day, how much food and fuel will cost are major concerns. Why? Look at the map again, especially, for example, some place like Texas, in deep republican territory. Texas hasn't voted for a democratic President since the southern, agricultural Carter (and he only won by 130k out of 4m voters). What do we see? All red except for the blue border and three blue spots: Houston, DFW, and Austin.

My dad is from Texas, I consider it my home turf a little bit. This is the house his family grew up in, except that it isn't the house he grew up in. He was about 16 when they moved there, when the price of grain was good enough for them to afford to upgrade from living out here. It's not far, actually about 13 miles, but in a combine, there is no such thing as "not far" when considering time and fuel. Dad would call me out, thought, because he's one of those people who is a stickler for facts. He would remind me that you would never drive the combines to the house in town, because there's no place to park, duh!

He would be correct, but you do have to move the grain somewhere. Big trucks and tractors all eat up fuel, not to mention the incredible amount of driving required to maintain miles of irrigation pipes (the other consequence of too much irrigation is too many anecdotes with too little entertainment value...I'm looking at you, dad.). So farming families are dependent on inelastic commodities like grain and gas, not to mention that rural areas are less likely to have a national-chain grocer nearby. National chain grocers can keep the price of food steady with larger markets to trade in, lowering prices and flattening price fluctuations.

It's also worth noting that my father is the oldest male of 7 siblings. The only older sibling is my Aunt Judy, a double-doctorate dean at the University of Texas (I'm proud of her, so I brag). Rural families are larger, so food is, again, a very important part of the family budget, and fluctuations are exaggerated by the volume needed to feed a large family as opposed to just a married couple. The pressure to provide wealth is intense, and that wealth is under far more threat that of a smaller, urban family who knows that a burger will always be a dollar.

Conservative Value #1: You should only get what you earn. Poverty is the product of laziness or irresponsibility, and is no ones fault but your own.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the plight of the American farmer, we've heard it before. What does that have to do with simplicity or conservatism? Everything. Another word for simplicity is homogeneity, that things are the same or similar. Homogenized milk? It has the same fat content and distribution to a nearly molecular level. If we look at areas of the country with low population density but large family sizes, we see that there is little diversity. let me explain further:

I LOVE LUCKY CHARMS! Sure, it has more sugar per serving than a buttered piece of chocolate-bacon (OMG totally copyrighted, I'm gonna be rich) but it's part of a balanced breakfast, so buzz off and leave me my magical chunks of delicious. I have a pet peeve. The cereal isn't my pet peeve, but the math assignment I have to do mid-bowl is. I love lucky charms best when there is the perfect ratio of marshmallow to oat pieces. I like 2 marshmallows in a full spoon of oats. This is great for like... half a bowl. Then I start doing the math, and I realize that if I want to finish the bowl on a good note, I need to adjust my strategy so I can spread the marshmallows out evenly over the last few bites.

My second favorite cereal is frosted flakes. There are no marshmallows in frosted flakes and thus, no math. Frosted flakes are a more simple cereal than lucky charms because they are homogeneous, just those delightful coated flakes. No math, no stress, just simple sugar bliss. Frosted flakes are more simple that lucky charms.

Ok, so what we should find is that some parts of Texas are homogeneous like frosted flakes, and some parts of Texas are mixed up like lucky charms, and that the frosted flakes parts are more conservative and the lucky charms parts are more liberal (as a crude aside, my lucky charm parts are VERY liberal ;) )

Lets compare these two maps:

I know they aren't entirely contemporary, but they are what I could find. 2000 was the most recent census with available data, and GW Bush ran in 2000 and 2004, so a map of that election would have been skewed by home-town hero favoritism.

I think the trends speak for themselves. Racial diversity means democratic victories. But, you could argue that racial diversity supports a black victory for Obama and not necessarily liberal one. It's a fair argument, and supported by this map:

It's not a great image, but it shows the democratic primary results between Hillary Clinton and Obama in Texas, supporting that Texas democrats outside of the urban areas were less willing to vote for Obama. The trend is more noisy; notice that one of the border counties went slightly for Obama, and a number of the ones further south went for Clinton strongly. I don't think the trend is as clear, but it doesn't answer the relevant question anyway. Texas democrats may have preferred a white woman to black man, sure, but do democratic votes still center around the diverse areas when both candidates are the same gender and race?

Yes, they do. This is 1996, the Bill Clinton/Bob Dole race.

This also explains some of the noise from the primary map a bit ago. Counties that went for Mr. Clinton strongly in 1996 tended to go strongly for Mrs. Clinton in 2008. Good ole' fashioned name recognition.

Ok, so racial diversity produces liberal votes. We all knew that. What does that have to do with simplicity? In the same way that frosted flakes don't require me to consider how many marshmallows I should eat with my next spoonful, low density urban areas wouldn't require me to deal with people much different than me. I can develop politics and moralities that never have to assimilate anyone very different than me. Competition is is for the good of my family, who is my main community.

Conservative Value #2: The more uniform the people, the more united the people. Diversity is competition.

Let's look again at the issues that are dividing our country again, and see how the conservative position on them is consistent with simplicity.

Health Care Reform: Health insurance is a way of preparing for the unforeseen. If you don't have it, you're irresponsible. If you can't afford it, you are lazy. I should not be burdened with caring for the poor and lazy. My fate is mine, and theirs is theirs. If a drug company can get the price they ask for, they should be allowed to charge that.

Abortion and reproductive rights/education: The simplest answer is the best answer, so life begins at conception (HB1 Article 15, Section A, subsection 4). Unwanted pregnancy is the product of irresponsibility. Women who don't want to have children are different, so they weaken America, so they shouldn't be given to tools to prevent pregnancy.

The right to collective bargaining: If any worker wants to earn more, they should work harder or get a new job. Union wages and benefits raise the prices of products for no reason other than to allow people to be lazy and still get paid.

Gay rights: Gay people are different, so they weaken America. Plus, they freak us out a bit. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Notice how necessary it is to draw broad swathes of black and white to maintain simplicity. Conservatives have a simpler binary platform of right/wrong, black/white, American/unamerican. This is so strong that the only president who's citizenship we've ever questioned is the only one we call black. He is different, so he must not be one of us.

Notice, also, that seeing shades of gray isn't always a benefit. Binary communication is incredibly simple, all one or zero, always clear, concise, and easy to understand. No wonder the democrats never agree on anything: we can't even talk without requiring letters, words, and grammar!

A little nugget of fun for ya...

2011-02-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

enjoy!

Why the Cubs will never win the Nobel Peace Prize, and George Bush won't win a World Series.

2011-02-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

I HATE OPINION POLLS!

We start with the dunk contest, which has been massively political in the last years because the winner is selected American Idol style, or maybe I'm just bitter that I can't do this. I'm also mad that the G-spot doesn't exist anymore because one twin doesn't know how to have a good time.

My point is that opinion and knowledge polls are spurious and a weak metric for defining anything besides popularity. I hate them. Opinion polls poke my badger.

The first premise I need you to take for granted is that people perform their best when they have something to gain. For professional sports teams, that's revenue; for politicians, it's votes (and sometimes revenue); for me, it's sex, cookies, and back-rubs. In a word, we all work for popularity.

It seems to follow that both politicians and sports teams are incentivized to win. It would also follow that talent leads to victories which in turn leads to popularity. So it should be that the best president would be the most popular one.

But... no, not perfectly. In essence, this poll shows that it isn't about the actual quality of the gentlemen in question, but in fact a question about the loyalties of the poll subjects. The question here is not "Who is the best President?" but "Which president has the most fans?".

I want to examine this data through an interesting lens: Lets compare the political popularity of Presidents Bush and Obama with the popularity of some sports teams. I'll be borrowing heavily from the book Scorecasting, which has been an incredible read and I recommend it.

The Cubs are wildly popular in Chicago, their ticket prices have averaged almost 50 bucks, even in the recession, and their attendance is so good, even at those ticket prices, that Tribune sold 95% of the Cubs, along with Wrigley Field and a share of TV rights for $900 million, in 2009, when the recession meant that 900 million dollars was real money.

The most hated man in Chicago is Steve Bartman. He is the Curse manifested, a human billy-goat that denied the Cubs their first chance at the World Series in 58 year, as surely as if he had stolen the ball straight from a players hands.

The Cubs have a (now 66-year-long) drought in the World Series, but they are wildly popular in Chicago. It seems to violate the logic we espoused above, that success begets popularity which begets paychecks. It seems to follow, but it doesn't happen, and the curse is the explanation.

From Scorecasting, after looking at team stats and comparing them to other teams: "To traffic in the obvious, the reason the cubs haven't won is that they haven't put particularly skilled teams on the field." Now, see the psychological phenomenon called "the self-serving bias." Cubs fans identify so closely with their team that will consistently blame outside factors for their teams loss, instead of seeing those flaws clearly.

Would it help my argument to clarify that the catch Steve Bartman caught wasn't actually a game-winner? The the Cubs were ahead by 3 points in the eighth inning. There were four outs to go. The series (not even the World Series, but the NL championship series) wasn't even tied, it was 3-2 for the Cubs. What Steve Bartman did was steal the 5th to last out of the game that would have been the Cubs second to last chance to move on to the World Series.

What happened the billy-goat-man stealing the championship right from under the noses of the deserving and talented Cubs? The retelling of the story raises the stakes, to make villianizing Mr. Bartman that much easier. The more villianous he is, the less it looks like the truth: the Cubs blew a lead in the last inning, and then lost a second home game to give the Marlins the pennant. Couldn't have been my Cubs, man, it was that damn curse and that idiot Bartman.

But this story has been told. Why is it relevant to the Presidential popularity contest?

This poll shows how much republicans loved G.W. Bush throughout his two terms. Notice the obvious spikes around 9/11 and early 2003 (the beginning of the Iraq war). Then notice that the biggest gains he made were not with republicans, but with democrats and independents (mostly because 99% is tough to build on). The trend is clear. Every move that Bush made up or down with Democrats and independents is reflected, but less so, in the republican line. Except for that one drop, ending in early October 2008. What happened in there? Oh yeah... also... THIS had been going on for months.

Basically, the entire election centered on making G dub look like a douchebag, and he was getting shat on by all sides. What's important here is that his approval ratings actually showed it (10 percent loss among republicans from september 2008 to October 2008) The fans quit forgiving him because they quit identifying with him, because they had someone new to identify with, and man was she SASSY!

Identify... that's an important word. Identity Politics is the buzzword for anyone who wants to discredit Obama's talent, implying that he won because he was black (valid), all the black people voted for him (also valid), and that all the black people voted for him because he was black (invalid). The question is, do democrats stand behind Obama as much as Cubs fans, as much as republicans did with Bush?

I don't think so. It looks like to me that Obama takes the biggest hits within his own party, or at least he's taking even hits on both sides. It's not as clear, but it seems to be true. Then again, Obama has only had two years in office, compared to the 8 I looked with Bush, and Obama hasn't started any wars or had to console America through any terrorist attacks, so the trends are harder to compare.

If Bush dropped ten percentage points among Republicans because of a global recession and an entire election cycle made to cast his as an idiot, Obama dropped 8 percentage points (from July to August 2009) among democrats because apparently he hadn't fixed it yet.

The reason I can't conclusively say that democrats are blindly for or viciously demanding of Obama is because the milestones simply don't match up with Bushes. Bush was infinitely more polarizing as president, except when everyone was with him (see 9/11).

So Obama is more like the the White Sox than the Cubs. The Sox only get attendance and approval like the Cubs do when they're within a season of winning the World Series. Obama has to work for his approval, and pays when it just looks like he won't get his work done. Some people will always root for him, always think he'll come out on top, but most of us need him to prove it. (and some of use refuse to believe a word he says no matter what)

Mostly I think this comes down to the personality of the parties. Democrats are more inclusive, complex, and pragmatic than conservatives, so we identify with each other less, critique each other harder, and consider our differences valid without policing. We are harder on our politicians because we are more afraid of authoritarianism than subversion, less faithful that success is ours to be defended from others instead of won together.

That's what this presidential popularity poll boils down to: how simply can we distill our politics? Picking a single man to represent us best, trying to find his most memorable or popular qualities and relate them to ourselves.

Pick Reagan if you're a tea-partier or a wistful baby-boomer. Pick Obama if you're young, optimistic, or black. Bill Clinton if you're a liberal who hasn't been sold on this new guy yet. Abraham Lincoln if you want to hearken back to history, George Washington if emancipation wasn't that important to you.

Using an opinion poll to establish who the greatest president is resembles deciding the MLB Champion by the same means: it only identifies who the most popular candidates are, and that's a dangerous notion. The Cubs attendance records may not be affected much by success, but their beer prices strongly correlate to ticket sales, according to Scorecasting.

Imagine how popular Obama would be if he took a prime-time TV slot and said these words: "America, I know things aren't great right now, but I'm doing my best for you." Then, any collegiate fight song came on with the Red, White, and Blue girls dancing behind him. "America, go to your front door and open it. You'll find there your favorite beverage and a scoop of ice cream. Now enjoy this Uncle Sam mascot chasing the Dancing Chicken. He's a quick one, that chicken!" Now that would get some approval ratings, and when it didn't fix the economy, we could blame the poor for not having worked hard enough to earn HD tv's to watch it on.

So the question is this: do we want a president who appeases us with cheap beer, knowing we'll keep voting and sucking up the losses, not blaming him but the circumstances?

-with thanks to Tom, for showing me the original article.

Took a long time to come...

2011-02-18T12:20:00.000-08:00

This will be my year.

I fell off the wagon, but I'm back on and things are going splendidly. lots of good stuff in the works that I don't really want to put on the permanent record yet.

but to get myself started, today's topic is:

How to interact with someone who isn't drinking without being a douche.

1. don't try to sympathize. You drink, they don't. It's an easy formula. Relax. If you find yourself trying to coerce them into drinking, wonder to yourself if you need alcohol to have fun, and how that makes you feel about yourself.

2. if buying a round, include a N/A drink for them. Don't be an ass and exclude them from celebrating. I prefer sugar free red bull, but anything without alcohol will show forethought and caring.

3. LEAVE IT ALONE! accepting that your friend doesn't drink as a matter of course is the least awkward way to deal. Ever been asked why you're still single? Ever been asked repeatedly by the same person, all night long? These people are badger pokers. NEVER POKE A BADGER.
WHY THIS IS UNCOOL:
section a. Just like Aunt Marla asking you when you're going to get married, it is impossible to ask someone why they don't drink without being insulting. In the same way that you aren't married because you're ugly, mean, or aren't allowed to express your romantic desires in your state, someone who decides not to drink, but is around drinkers, has a reason that is neither up for debate nor pleasant enough for social conversation.
section b. asking someone why they are single, just like asking someone why they don't drink, will only pressure someone to doubt themselves. If Aunt Marla points to Cousin Ton(e)y and asks "why don't you give him just one dance?", you say "Because (s)he's my COUSIN!" at the same time that you're thinking "but not by blood...". In the same way, if you ask you're sober friend to have "just one drink" they will say "I don't drink!" but they will think "Just one might be ok...". AND BOOM! Incest-DUI.

Home for the holidays

2009-12-20T22:04:00.001-08:00

I'm at home, and I'm not really compelled to drink, but I'm so empty.
I spent the weekend out with my friends (read:barhopping) and didn't
drink. Wasn't really even tempted. But still, I feel so much remorse
and emptiness. It's been 21 days. 3 weeks sober.

I feel totally decompressed, totally physically adjusted to my new
sobriety. But socially, personally... What do I have?

Shrink asked me the other day: "what is going to keep you sober?" and
I have no clue. Am I recovering for my music?for my writing? For my
future?

The story of the Buddha is long, but his path to enlightment was
arched around two seven year periods. One, the period where he was a
total ascetic, starving himself and meditating for months and years on
end. The other, he was indulgent and self-pleasing, all in the name of
the elimination of dukkha, suffering. He left both and found the
middle way.

New favorite thing: music in the shower so loud that I can't hear how
out of tune I am.

Day 19

2009-12-18T22:32:00.001-08:00

No deep thoughts on sobriety today. I did learn a trigger: finishing
things. Being done with finals has made me want to drink more than
anything else so far. I'm displacing less, but smoking seems to help
not craving a drink.

And I still have the beard.

it's a move I'm calling the deuce

2009-12-11T01:17:00.000-08:00

Every female duo has this dichotomy: the Hot One, and the Other One. Usually, the OO isn't unhot, just less hot than the HO. Here's the move, and it's simple.

Hit on the OO. simple, easy, like fish in barrel. Make conversation. Relax for a minute and realize that the OO has had to exercise her non-genital charms more than the HO and thus, might be better at conversation.

NOTE: if she isn't smarter than the HO, abandon ship and bail. This is the dreaded "head up ass" OO which means that she isn't DTF and that the HO is vapid and too dumb to recognize regular validation. The end result is cockblock by jealous HO who wants the usual tribute to her beauty, which is your rapt and celibate drink purchases.

If the OOis at all interesting, she should be flattered by your attention and break away from the HO. This OO has been subsisting on friend bomb diving wingmen for years and needs a catch of her own. Be that catch.

Oh, wait, what's that? HO is getting in the way right around hook-up two? yup, there's that old green eyed monster. She's jealous. the OO is getting play and the HO is not. This is unnatural and unnerving for all (fact: the OO will be more nervous and jittery than usual. It's the not the calorie boost from semen).

Right the natural order and give the HO what she wants.

There, doesn't everyone feel better?

2009-12-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

This is a collection of the tracks I wish I had had in high school, to help me understand and deal with awakening to my bisexuality. The time that we need music the most in our youth.
Micheal-Franz Ferdinand. A great song with a great line “sticky hair, sticky hips,
stubble on my sticky lips” is even better because my first male crush was named Mykul. I’ll allow for HOMOphone jokes here.

I’ll cover you- Rent. A great love song for any couple, but sung between a bio-male and trans-woman, so better because it’s queer.

Someone to Love-Queen. Sometimes you just have to sing it out, and while he wasn’t always out, Freddie could always sing.

You’ve got a fast car-Tracy Chapman. I agree that artists shouldn’t use their sexual orientation to establish a market niche (tracy has never discussed her sexuality, but has been outed by a lover), and this song is good medicine for anyone, especially teenage boys and girls who need some escapist fantasy.

In these shoes?-Kirsty Maccoll. Within each of us, there is some fabulous diva. Channel the diva, when appropriate.

Origin of Love-Rufus Wainwright. Hedwig and the Angry Inch is something like a comedy of errors for the queer community, but it does have this truly romantic and melancholy gem in it. Rufus Wainwright does it best, though.

Sweet Transvestite- Rocky Horror Picture Show. Rocky is the first mainstream outlet for the drag in all of us.

Falling is like this- Ani DiFranco. It is somewhat obligatory to include the most vocal gay-rights proponent in music on this playlist, but beyond that, this song talks about love as genderless, which is both comforting and emotionally informative.

The bitch of living-spring awakening. There is nothing more gay teen than painfully unrequited love (and of course, quiet undertones of divine masturbation). Plus, knowing about Spring Awakening in 2003 would have made me the coolest kid in choir.

I’m still standing-Sir Elton John. Along with Ani and Freddie, Elton belongs on this list as queer musical royalty. This upbeat tune never fails to improve my day, and it’s impossible to not sing along.

Day 8-the sober beard.

2009-12-07T12:06:00.000-08:00

Sobriety is like a beard. You must make a daily, inconvienient
decision to abstain from an act. No matter how much you itch today,
you've put in days of work beforehand to earn that glorious,
defeatable itch.

Day 4

2009-12-02T22:06:00.001-08:00

Had a therapy meeting today. Supposed to talk about what I'm doing,
how I'm going to quit.

H1n1 strikes again. My therapist is down for the count. I still went
in, to talk about what's in my head with someone. I got a schedule for
AA. We'll see if I use it. I spent the rest of the day with
JoanieDrama and Killspy. It was nice. Alot of laughter and tv. I
guess this is my new life.

Last night

2009-12-01T10:54:00.001-08:00

Last night, I had a dream. I was driving to a place called Sierra
Bend, somewhere in the mountainous eastern part of my state. I tend to
enjoy these drives, taking the long, snaky, uncertain path to my
destination. On this road to Sierra Bend, there were many switchbacks,
gravel sections, and bridges. There was traffic. I was low on fuel. I
was lost. And I was so busy driving that I couldn't look at the map or
the fuel gauge or do anything but dodge other cars and obstacles.

Moving was so hard that I didn't have time to know where I was going.
Still day three.

Sobriety

2009-11-30T20:12:00.001-08:00

I just can't tell. I really want to stop drinking, to get my life on
track. But I've always wanted to be better than an I am, to fix the
chronic problems that seem to be fundamentally at fault for my
problems. Further, no one seems to believe I have a problem when I
present them with the facts.
Am I the only one who thinks I have a problem?

Day 2. I need a structure and a coach.

Alcohol

2009-11-29T14:43:00.001-08:00

So I've realized that I have no control over my drinking. It is costing me so much and all I've got for it is shame, bad habits, and a bad reputation. I'm hurting and scared. I wanna be sober for a week, but I don't know that I can. I am such a failure.

Existentialism and Mysterious Skin

2009-11-17T23:36:00.000-08:00

When I heard that there was to be an assignment on a queer-themed movie, I quickly checked the list for one of my favorite movies, Mysterious Skin. Its a film about alienation, about anger, about personality and adjustment. It is a film that evokes the strongest of feelings from me, even though I hold so little in common with the main characters. The story follows two mid-western boys in their attempts to assimilate and recover from childhood molestation. It is not a movie about being gay, but it is a movie about being secretly lost within oneself.
I always look towards the title of a film for guidance towards the meaning of the movie. The words “Mysterious Skin” don't ever appear in the dialogue of the film. This means that the screenwriter decided on those words, separate and apart from just pulling them from the dialogue, so they are an additional clue. When we understand what the words mean, we understand more about what the film means.
We all have a “mysterious skin”. It is the skin we have. The existentialists called the concept “absurdity”, the pointlessness and guidelessness of life. There is no compass to our self-definition, our essence, and in fact, in the wanderings, we define ourself in trying. Further, there is no way to define ourselves correctly, except as exposed in our living. Worse, our essence cannot be completely known until our life is complete. This is the human plight, trying to make sense of our selves and life, having no guide and no conclusion.
The movie opens with a very confusing image. A smiling, cute, dark-haired little boy, perhaps 7 or 8 years old, is surrounded by falling, colorful objects, which eventually focus enough for us to see that they are fruit loops. This is an alien, strange image, and even worse, it blinks away once we see the boys face fully. He is smiling, his eyes are closed, he is lost in the sensation of the fruit loops falling onto and bouncing off of his face. The meaning of this image is not at all clear. The audience is lost and confused by it.
Words flash across the screen, “Brian Lackey Summer 1981”. Unfortunately, we gain no clues about our smiling, dark-haired hero because another boy comes on the screen, this one blonde and not smiling. Brian, narrating as a young man, starts telling a story about time he lost as an 8 year old. He refers to 5 hours between a little league game and being found in his cellar which he cannot recall. He is lost. He doesn't know where that part of his self went. We learn that he begins to have blackouts and nosebleeds, that he starts to wet the bed. Whatever he lost, it is causing him great stress. He sees a UFO that summer too, and pairs it with the lost time as the powerful, mysterious experiences he has that summer.
Life is stressful. Every child, every person has anxieties and confusion related to their self-identity. It is a result of the absurdity of life. There are points in life where we recognize that all our decisions occur as degrees of certainty, and that every decision we make has some elements of guess work to it. Some decisions are entirely arbitary guesses. We are confused and unsure about this, and sometimes blame our feelings on experiences that aren't actually related. Brian links the lost time and the UFO as events in the same time frame, but can never be sure that they are any more or less related than that.
The next scene in the movie, we meet our first boy again, but this time he is not smiling, and his face is obscured by the shadows of window blinds. The text overlay that precedes the scene informs us that our boys name is Neil McCormack, and that he is talking from the same summer as Brian, 1981. The narration even starts a parallel. They both begin with the words, “The summer that I was 8 years old...” Brian talks about his lost time, but Neil goes on to say “...I came for the first time.” Neil, also as an older version of himself, is narrating the story of his first orgasm, watching his mother and her boyfriend have sex in his back yard, on a swing set.
The viewer is jarred by the blunt, rough, and vulgar nature of the voice, contrasted with the image of this seemingly innocent young boy. Even more jarring is the confession that he is referring to his mother's boyfriend, Alfred, as “all marlboro man, dumb as a fucking rock, what I would years later call to call 'my type.” Our experience with Neil is getting stranger and stranger, and stranger still is the superimposition of another man, in a different place, with better lighting and a different mustache, with similar orgasmic faces. The superimposition occurs where we are looking through Neil's point of view, so we must believe that he has seen this view, of this man, before. This scene ends with the disturbing and strange words “...When I came, I couldn't wait to tell Coach.”
Neil directs us back to the beginning of the story, where we meet Coach. He is, in fact, the same man we have seen, mirrored by Alfred. The story told goes to a private meeting between Coach and Neil, and a private trip back to Coaches house, which is loaded with toys, video games, and soda. It is clear to the viewer that Coach is a pedophile and Neil is unaware. The exposition of the abuse continues in a romantic story arch, ending in a scene in the kitchen. Neil accidentally spills some cereal on the floor, and Coach makes it fun by throwing his cereal on the floor, too. When all of the cereal is tossed, Coach lowers Neil onto the floor and kisses him.
This is the loss of identity that Neil suffers. Where Brian lost time, Neil lost his innocence. He compares the spilt cereal on the floor to a shattered Kaleidoscope, hinting at his own feelings inside. Neil says “...the taste of coaches tongue seared my mouth.” Afterwards, Coach tries to convince him that he liked it, and that liking it is ok, and that everything will be ok.
Neil is confused. He acted with shame and confusion during the scene on the floor, whimpering with fear. Afterwards, he is looking at the floor until he slowly makes eye contact with Coach, as Coach assures him that everything will be alright. He has found a compass. He trusts Coach, so despite his own inner turmoil, he will believe Coach. We all have had these false guides. We have all placed our faith on people who failed us, on ideals that that we have left behind, on bands or trends that we have outgrown. The confusion of life gives us anxiety, and we seek certainty where ever we can find it, even if that certainty is misguided or wrong.
In the next scenes, we discover Neil to have grown into a destructive and angry boy. On Halloween, he forces another boy to hold lit fireworks in his mouth, and then masturbates him after they go off, to make him feel better. A cut-scene later, Neil is 15 and turning tricks with older men at a cruising park. His tricks aren't concerned about using protection because of his age and the size of the town, and he is proud to be turning tricks. He even shows his best friend, Wendy, bruises on his penis from one of them. After that conversation, they talk about a movie of their lives being played on a drive-in theatre screen and the voice of God coming through one of the speakers in the parking lot. Neil says “I hear him.” It is a rare moment for him, soft and escapist, juxtaposed to the harsh and dismissive norm we expect from him.
On that same Halloween night in 1981, Brian gets lost outside of a haunted house and is approached by a strange figure. He passes out again, and wakes up an hour later with a nosebleed, just like the first time. Another cut-scene, and we find Brian is watching a TV special on aliens. He believes his lost time is due to alien abductions. He spends time learning about his abductions and memories about them, recording a dream journal and drawing what he can recall of the aliens. This has become his compass, his map to understanding himself.
The boys grow older, into 19. The first clue of how these boys are involved with each other comes when Brian remembers that he is wearing a little league uniform in one of his dreams. He looks at a photo and roster, and identifies N. McCormick as a boy that was in one of his dreams. Brian starts to become friends with Neil's friends, waiting for him to return from New York so they can discuss the dreams and lost time, to better understand what happened.
Neil is in New York City, turning tricks and learning about safe sex. He meets a john with lesions and is asked, instead of sex, to simply rub his back. This is jarring for the boy, being valued for his touch, not his sex. He is disturbed by it, and talks to Wendy about how important to his identity the abuse was. Coach made him feel loved and special. He says, “I was his one true love.”
Christmas comes. Neil comes back from New York, to meet Brian. They have a very telling line of dialogue. Neil says “We have a lot in common, don't we?” and Brian replies, “I think so.” Both is certain that they know what they are talking about, but both are misguided. In the vagueness and the confusion, they have both invented stories to serve as guides. Neil, as lover, Brian, as abductee, to replace their shared history as victim.
As the boys talk, Brian becomes more and more clear about what happened to them. Neil leads into the story with “I was his favorite,” trying to preserve his fiction. They share their stories, it becomes clear to Brian that the blackouts came to repress the memories of coach abusing him. They find their own histories in this sharing. They find that the guideposts, the compass they found for themselves, failed under the weight of the truth. Neil will never again feel like the trophy that Coach made him feel like. Brian will never again be able to deny and repress his abuse. They are back to confusion and absurdity, but they at least understand themselves in a way that is more based on truth. We are lost victims, and life is something like a compromise between comfort and truth

2009-11-17T23:34:00.000-08:00

Hollywoods knows: summer lovin ain't so easy!

2009-08-16T23:47:00.001-07:00

This summer was disappointing. It was surprisingly lame. I
did, however, have an excellent vacation to Austin texas to see
family. My parents have never learned to relax, but it's a hobby I'm
going to keep.

Well, I was. The new mock case is up this Weekend, so I'm trying to
get dick deep in it and get ready for this season. I don't want our
team to struggle, but we graduated some world class mockers last year,
so we need to make up for that with preparedness, chemistry, and
enthusiasm.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

2009-05-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHO GOT A PHONE CALL PUT ON THE SEX IS FUN CALL IN SHOW!

Hollywood knows: how to make another blog the people will ignore.

2009-04-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

hollywood-democrazy.blogspot.com

Check it out.

Hollywood Knows: there's a reason he's not getting any.

2009-03-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

The Reasons I'm Not Getting Laid:

my most intimate relationship right now is with my snuggie.
I'm no longer the pretty son, but I maintain my coquettish attitude.
I'm living off my credit card, because I party away my real money.
I have a blog.
I have a blog that no one reads.
I have a blog that no one reads explaining that I know everything and should be listened to dogmatically.
I'm bisexual, which is offputting to most southern women.
I'm closeted bisexual, which isn't convincing enough for most men.
I have to be wary during hunting season. I could be mistaken for BigFoot and shot for scientific study.
I'm fat.
I don't shave much or well.
I wear blazers with t-shirts, when I'm not wearing a neutral sweater.
I look like a professor.
I look like a proffesor taking a break from his poorly lit one room apartment to look at the college girls I couldn't hook up with when I was in college.
I plan on being that professor.
I talk about sex academically and casually.
I talk about philosophy, in public, with more conviction than regard.
I have a hairy ass.
I talk too loud when I'm drunk.
I'm always drunk.

Hollywood Knows: he looks ridiculous, but he loves his snuggy.

2009-02-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

My first commercial:

are you fat and lazy?

Patsy: boy, Am I ever!

Is this you?

Close up shot on trying to type through blanket, get popcorn, spill milk.

Then Have I got a product for you! It's called a snugglebuddy!Snuggle buddy has one small change that makes one HUGE difference.With stealthily located elongated external ventialtion exit, or SLEEVE, we solve all your problems.

Snugglebuddy! It's all you've ever wanted, if all you've ever wanted was a blanket with SLEEVE technology!But, wait there's more... If you call today, we'll upgrade you to the extra doubleplusgood Snugglebuddy, with EXTRA SLEEVE TECHNOLOGY.

Have you ever needed to hold a glass AND a plate while wearing a blanket?

Or type with two hands?

Hold two fire arms?

Load one firearm?

Carry a baby?

Masturbate while cleaning the tears off your face so you can see the porn more clearly?

Then the Snugglebuddy doubleplusgood edition is right FOR YOU!

And if you call in the next ten minutes, we'll include a free crack whore* to blow you under the snugglebuddy!

*Gender of crack whore cannot be guaranteed, or sometimes even determined.

Hollywood knows: talk about marriage should be done with discretion.

2009-02-17T16:33:00.001-08:00

My roommate, Tex, and his girlfriend, Non-Neurotic Dancer, are making dinner. I love it when they do this, because Tex is a great cook and includes me in the portion sizes. I try to reciprocate, but they eat together and I can rarely break into their plans enough to feed them.

It's chili tonight, I'm having a 2006 Bull's Blood.

That aside, Tex does his own taxes. He's doing them as the beans boil and NND tidies up a bit. They're discussing why he does his own taxes and how difficult it is when I hear this bombshell: "When we're married and have assets, It'll be harder."

WHA-HUH-HUT?!

Here is when marriage talk is appropriate:
Dad's got a gun and wants to open the floor for discussion.
Svetlana's visa is up, and her stripping gig is lucrative.
You've been together for 5 years, non-stop, and haven't gotten tired of your partner yet.
You've been together 7 years and the ultimatum comes.

Times when marriage talk is NOT appropriate:
either party is naked or drunk.
either party is in their first relationship.
either party has lost their virginity in the last 6 months.
either party is homeless or running away.
either party is unsure of their sexual orientation.
either party beleives the female orgasm is a myth.

Here is my personal opinion. I don't support marriage. I think it's a perverse lifestyle, and I think that married people are actively recruiting our children to their way. I get so tired of seeing two people holding hands on the street, openly broadcasting their sexual limits to one specific partner, trying to convince it's ok to sleep with the same person for life.

Now, I know we all get confused. Hell, I thought I wanted to be married once. I learned better, though, and now I see the clear truth. Marriage is unnatural and weird, and the people who do it are doomed to risk dealing with alimony, divorce, wine tasting, and never being able to flirt again.

Hollywood knows: waking up sucks.

2009-02-17T12:21:00.001-08:00

So I stayed up till about 4 playing penny hold 'em, actually had a successful night, tripled my buy in twice. However, I didn't wake up till 2 pm. That puts me 4 hours behind. I skipped women's studies (yeah, I shoulda been able to klep out, I KNOW!) and still had to rush to get a shower and make it to mock trial. I have to make it to student senate by 5.

We got alot to handle. The emergency texting system is failing on campus, they're improving it, but I'm getting blown off by the school administration. The appropriations meeting is coming up, and we're take a 6.4% budget cut, retroactively, which is basically twice that for the next two fiscal quarters. We're trying to convince the paper to stop printing so many papers because they're going straight to the recycle. I love kicking ass on campus... when I have the energy.

This day will be an ode to red bull. I LOVE THAT SHIT!

Hollywood knows: Jesus wouldn't vote for most republicans.

2009-02-16T21:06:00.001-08:00

He would, however, go all temple courtyard on your hummer-drivin' asses.

I should clarify: I'm an athiest.
Jesus is still alright with me, but there is no way, given the nature of God and the nature of reality, that God exists.

Ask me to prove it. I dare you.

Hollywood knows: anything you want to know.

2009-02-16T14:40:00.000-08:00

This is a TOTAL cop-out, but let's give it a shot.

What do you want to know? I'll answer any questions. I swear to you that I know everything that can be known (yeah yeah yeah, google did it first).

Try me.

Hollywood knows: how to make a roux and when.

2009-02-16T14:16:00.000-08:00

a roux is used to thicken sauces, usually white sauces.

Take fat (butter or oil) and heat to liquid, medium-low.
add an equal part of starch (usually flour).

cook on medium-low until it smells like nuts or turns a blonde color.

yeah, I'm still trying to figure out what this blog will be about. Things should get more interesting as I get drunker and madder.