I spent the weekend out with my friends (read:barhopping) and didn't
drink. Wasn't really even tempted. But still, I feel so much remorse
and emptiness. It's been 21 days. 3 weeks sober.
I feel totally decompressed, totally physically adjusted to my new
sobriety. But socially, personally... What do I have?
Shrink asked me the other day: "what is going to keep you sober?" and
I have no clue. Am I recovering for my music?for my writing? For my
future?
The story of the Buddha is long, but his path to enlightment was
arched around two seven year periods. One, the period where he was a
total ascetic, starving himself and meditating for months and years on
end. The other, he was indulgent and self-pleasing, all in the name of
the elimination of dukkha, suffering. He left both and found the
middle way.
New favorite thing: music in the shower so loud that I can't hear how
out of tune I am.
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