Hollywood Knows: there's a reason he's not getting any.

The Reasons I'm Not Getting Laid:

my most intimate relationship right now is with my snuggie.
I'm no longer the pretty son, but I maintain my coquettish attitude.
I'm living off my credit card, because I party away my real money.
I have a blog.
I have a blog that no one reads.
I have a blog that no one reads explaining that I know everything and should be listened to dogmatically.
I'm bisexual, which is offputting to most southern women.
I'm closeted bisexual, which isn't convincing enough for most men.
I have to be wary during hunting season. I could be mistaken for BigFoot and shot for scientific study.
I'm fat.
I don't shave much or well.
I wear blazers with t-shirts, when I'm not wearing a neutral sweater.
I look like a professor.
I look like a proffesor taking a break from his poorly lit one room apartment to look at the college girls I couldn't hook up with when I was in college.
I plan on being that professor.
I talk about sex academically and casually.
I talk about philosophy, in public, with more conviction than regard.
I have a hairy ass.
I talk too loud when I'm drunk.
I'm always drunk.